why?

i m tired of cryin...tired of pretendin tt i m fine...i m not...i m so not ok...i put up a bloody iron wall...so tt no one knows wt freakin mess i m inside...how long more before i can recover?! i need time to heal...properly...so tt all my wounds heal...u know d feelin of wounds splitting open? or when one wound is healin, another one is made fresh? it feels like tt...when m i gonna recover completely? they come one after the other...discontent, diagnosis, detachment, divorce...n now this...cannot...

i muz have freakin pissed someone off up there in either my past life or in my last 30 yrs of existent for these to be piled up one on top of the other...i m breakin...n work juz started again...n my classes have not even started yet...week 2 of term 1 is the time when my life gets super hectic...when i wont have any time to even breathe...but maybe, tt mite be a good thing...takes my mind off every damn thing tt is happening...can someone fast forward time to next week pls??! i wana stop thinking n crying abt this...God,please give me the strength...i juz want to be happy...no more cryin..no more cryin...no more cryin, pls i beg u...