slower than a tortoise...

is it me or is time going by SO DARN slowly?!?! the only moment when the clock seems to speed up is when i m sleeping...other than tt, it seems like a big drag...i have too much time on hand now n i m thinking too much...too much thinking is bad...especially when i, the typical Scorpio, always have the tendency to see the glass as half empty n let my imagination run darn wild...i want to go to the time when i have no time to stop n think..let alone think too much...tt will probably be next week...m really looking forward to my classes to take my mind off things...somehow, i wana work things out...i wana be happy...i wana be THE one...i wana be successful...i already have an idea of how this yr mite turn out like...like a sliding door moment...2 paths, 2 possibilities...one, i can go all out n burn myself n get really bitter abt things...or i can go all out n try to do all i can n acheive all i want n be a happy woman...i m gonna try for the latter...wana stop cryin n be happy...i wana be successful, prosperous n very happy this yr...n i want it wif the ones i luv...the ones i want to have around me...my man, my sista, my doggie, my frens n family...

kanna, i luv u...sab, i luv u...chockee, i luv u...u mean the world to me...i m nothing wifout u...thank u for everything...sorry for everything else...

why?

i m tired of cryin...tired of pretendin tt i m fine...i m not...i m so not ok...i put up a bloody iron wall...so tt no one knows wt freakin mess i m inside...how long more before i can recover?! i need time to heal...properly...so tt all my wounds heal...u know d feelin of wounds splitting open? or when one wound is healin, another one is made fresh? it feels like tt...when m i gonna recover completely? they come one after the other...discontent, diagnosis, detachment, divorce...n now this...cannot...

i muz have freakin pissed someone off up there in either my past life or in my last 30 yrs of existent for these to be piled up one on top of the other...i m breakin...n work juz started again...n my classes have not even started yet...week 2 of term 1 is the time when my life gets super hectic...when i wont have any time to even breathe...but maybe, tt mite be a good thing...takes my mind off every damn thing tt is happening...can someone fast forward time to next week pls??! i wana stop thinking n crying abt this...God,please give me the strength...i juz want to be happy...no more cryin..no more cryin...no more cryin, pls i beg u...